At least he's getting a lot of fiber

I lose all sorts of classroom supplies each year. Scissors, rulers, staplers......I never know where the hell they go. It's not like they're consumable, and no one in their right mind would want to steal them: they're usually ugly, cheap and probably have more diseases on them than a hooker, but go figure.

Well, the other day, I finally got a clue as to where they disappear to.....

I was complaining that particular day about rulers. I only have about 12 left, and I started off this year with 40. One of the tables had no rulers and I asked the kids at that table where they had all gone: they had 2 last week for Christ's sake!

"I know where one went," piped up Jack brightly. "Eric ate one."

.......ate one?

"Um," I respond, "what do you mean by 'he ate one'? As in, he stuck it in his mouth and started chewing on it like a beaver?"

Jack nodded.

I suppose I should have considered that. Earlier this year, we had a student sharpen a pencil with his teeth.

With
his
teeth.

I'm kind of annoyed with Eric now but if God is kind, he'll grant me this one prayer. I'm praying that the ruler Eric ate was the same one that Derek stuck down his pants and scratched his balls with last month.....